Supporting emotional regulation in the school setting is essential for helping students thrive academically, socially, and personally. In upper elementary and early middle school, students experience rapid developmental changes that shape how they understand and manage their emotions. To explore this topic deeply, we spoke with Emily Miranda, a 4-6 school counselor whose diverse background in teaching and student support gives her a well-rounded perspective on emotional development. Emily holds a Bachelor’s degree in Secondary English Education with endorsements in ELL, and a Master of Arts in School Counseling. Her experience across multiple grade levels and specialized support roles allows her to meet students’ emotional needs with insight and compassion. She also runs @coffeewiththecounselor_, an Instagram platform dedicated to reducing stigma around counseling and making mental health support more accessible.
Understanding Emotional Regulation in Grades 4-6
“I have found that it is extremely interesting how important and fundamental these years are. During this time, they are learning new independence, more complex critical thinking skills, and navigating new awareness of peers and interpersonal relationships. They begin to form a unique sense of identity by comparing themselves to others. This helps them develop their own type of self-worth, positive or not,” Emily explains.
Students are still learning how to identify, express, and manage their emotions while also navigating peer comparison. She emphasizes, “It is so important for supportive and positive adults to be in these kids' lives that can help them navigate their emotions, normalize feeling them, model and teach coping skills, as well as make it easier for them to seek out help and feel supported.
Strategies for Helping Students Regulate Emotions During the School Day
Building Emotional Vocabulary
One of Emily’s foundational strategies is helping students name their emotions more precisely. Emily says, “I have a pillow in my room that has an emotion wheel on it that narrows down certain ‘larger’ feelings to more specific ones that they might not use in their everyday vocabulary or even know what they mean. Often the kids ask what certain words mean, and it’s a great growing opportunity.” This expanded vocabulary helps students articulate their feelings during check-ins and recognize emotional nuance.
Creating Personalized Regulation Menus
“I like to help them come up with a list of things they can choose from, kind of like a menu, to help them come down from emotional dysregulation. Some options include breathing exercises, movement, water, music, drawing, journaling, talking to someone, or a quiet break,” she highlights.
Students can write this menu and keep it somewhere within reach so they can refer back to it. These menus empower students to choose tools that work for them, especially when logical thinking becomes difficult during dysregulation.
Offering Tools and Time to Decompress
Emily’s office includes a variety of sensory and calming tools that students can pick from. “When they come in, I’ll normally assess to see if they want to talk or express what they need. If they’re unable to express that to me, I will offer things I have in my room including coloring pages, instrumental calming music, a weighted lap blanket, fidgets, journaling, kinetic sand, watercolor painting, or games. If they can’t express what they need, I will usually allow for time to decompress before I ask again what they need to do, having a few things available to them while I put on soft music,” she explains.
Schoolwide Systems That Support Emotional Regulation
Emily highlights the importance of structures that allow students to take breaks when needed. “One strategy I use with kids is having a ‘pass’ they can utilize and give to the teacher to express they are taking a calm down break,” she notes. She also strongly believes that students in this age group are able to manage their emotions with the strategies suggested by her without having to leave the classroom.
Collaborating with Teachers to Support Students’ Emotional Needs
Teachers play a vital role in supporting emotional regulation. “Communication with teachers is super important so they know how to best support the student in the classroom,” Emily highlights. She continues, “However, it’s important to keep the student’s details confidential unless they share that it’s okay to tell their teacher about whatever it is they may be struggling with. When speaking with teachers, keeping things general and focused on what will help them in school is best. Offering ideas of what could help the student in the classroom so that they can regulate on their own can help both teacher and student.”
Supporting Students with Big Emotions: Anger, Anxiety, and Shutdowns
When big emotions surface, it usually means that students are struggling to cope with growing emotions in a healthy way. “The first step of emotional education is teaching kids how their body feels when they feel certain things. Identifying their heartbeat, the temperature of their body and their thoughts. This helps them realize what their body is doing and then teaching the vocabulary for different and eventually more complex emotions,” she explains. Once the students have the education behind the emotions, coping skills can be introduced for when they notice certain signals for emotions creeping up in their body.
“We can teach in-class coping skills like breathing, walking, standing up, fidgeting as well as brief breaks like walks down the hall, getting a drink, or running an errand for the teacher. If the emotions escalate to a place where they need help from an adult, I have implemented break cards that students can hand to the teachers, or teachers can hand to the students, to tell them to come find me or the student support teacher to process, talk through, and cope with these intense emotions in a safe space,” she says.
The Goal: Creating Safe Spaces
When students experience overwhelming emotions, the most powerful support a school can provide is a safe, welcoming environment where they feel free to process those feelings without judgment. For Emily, every strategy, from teaching coping skills to offering break cards, is ultimately about building this kind of space. She explains, “To create a space like that, it’s important to treat people with kindness and respect, be non-judgmental and accepting of everyone. I also think I put a lot of importance on the decoration and feel of my room. In all of my classrooms and offices, I make sure to have comfortable seating, bright and joyful colors and phrases, natural or lamp lighting, and items to use or things to do together that break down the barrier of seeking support.”
Schools are more than places of academic learning – they are environments where children begin to understand themselves and their emotions. By weaving emotional regulation into daily routines, offering practical tools, and fostering safe spaces, educators and counselors can help students build resilience that lasts well beyond the classroom.
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